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demo: "What A Horrible Night To Have A Curse" (2001) |
1. All My Best Friends Are Bullets |
1. All My Best Friends Are Bullets
[Instrumental]
2. To You, Contorionist
Your eyes push shards of glass to mince my defenses
I never thought I'd feel this way - memories haunting every breath
it frightens me to know I can never be rid of you
after a year, you still stir something in me
the hate has faded but the disgust remains.
I recall when only warmth and acceptance filled your eyes.
If I could understand - what turned you against me
if I could just understand - what hardened your stare into scorn
what was it worth to you - to turn me inside out?
You became he that we hated - left me with scarlet eyes
and an empty chest - its been a year and I still feel nauseous
brown eyes cut into me - parting once friendly flesh
I burned your pictures away - but I can't stop remember when
the city has not felt the same since
though your stare has hardened - this cold contempt makes me wonder
could an ounce of guilt boil in your blood?
This blood we shared - seeps from an ever present truth
a missing piece of my past - still makes me crawl the other way
no I can't forgive - as you embody my regret
you are the living proof - that I'll never ever trust again
I never really told you what you had meant to me
ere my lungs met the ire of your voracious mouth.
So now I walk alone through the ashes of our ties.
My mind flooding with memories of endless summer drives.
I'd love to talk with you to fully understand
what finally drove you to this choice - to smash my heart
but some things are better left unsaid.
3. The Middle Goes Down
Cold winter cuts - a heart that couldn't heal
destroyed by it's own stupidity
a frozen smile - cracks backing frigid lies
I shelter beneath a veil of happiness - a delicate facade
and snow falls as to bury what we had
everything we left behind
although your loving eyes - have left my gaze forever
they've been captured in my sleep - although this vacant heart
can't go on any longer - I feel your soft breath in my dreams
but it shall not be - I cannot shake these feelings
I can't renounce - this love for you is all I know
I am controlled by sorrow - my hope forever lost
bested by my weakness - will the spring's warmth never come?
And the snow
still heaping on this broken back
I am lost within its persistence
you took the meaning
from this withered soul
I have no strength without your touch
and so it was - and can never be again
and so it was - and will never ever be again.
Lost - this love for you is all I know.
Weakness - will the spring's warmth never come?
A little child crying - from the bunk below
I still love you - I can't cut that tie from my life
love born in regret? Was our blight carved into stone?
The stone that lines my heart - I wish I never loved you
cold sweat and eaten nails - I did this all for you.
A broken heart - a clenched fist full of hair - I did this all for you
and any other embrace - will just turn into shit
in the shadow of our former love
I'd trade a bloody wrist - to live forever in those nights
but the deed hath still been done
4. This Ain't No Fucking Love Song
My crimson covered hands - clutch heart strings newly broken
moths breed in my entrails - hate washes through my fucking veins
friendship turns to disease - afflicting the weak of mind and heart
you are the growing cancer - eating at my fondest memories
7 abandoned years - thwart all affection
a million whispered lies - push fingernails into my palms
the knife slipped in - pushed by the most familiar hands
I fell upon - the comfort of your words
a flash of light - taught me a lesson in betrayal
I fell upon - the solace in your smile
7 wasted years - boiling in vomit
I will erase you - I will erase you from this heart
from my memory - I cut away
you're just a name to me - a friend is now a ghost
I will never give again
you have forsaken any faith I had in you
all the love I had for you
I am reborn - Baptized in flame
Clean of your deceitful looming
friends are beneath me - I can't face this pain again
I'll die alone - But at least I'll know who loves me
I am a shadow of myself - pent up in walls of human shit
annihilating - anything that bears your name
I am a hollowed wooden shell - made strong by that which I abhor
committing only - to creating your demise
and so I pray for sleep - and to see anything but red
all purpose has been drained from me
a friendship ends in pain - morose claims my every word
all trust has been carved out of me
wasted years - boiling in vomit
I will erase you - I will erase you from this heart
from my memory - I cut away
you're just a name to me - a friend is now a ghost
5. (And The Chorus Sang) A Dead Refrain
skyscrapers - are crumbling - mountains move in my path
the streets lights - are twisting - pulling me to the earth
My veins are anchored in this city - I am defeated by this lack of conviction
I am crushed - by 800 miles - eyes widened in self loathing
when the fucking dirt proves stronger
than the most pure emotion that I've ever fucking had
so what is left in life - but my destruction?
why do my lungs still gasp - when I no longer breathe for you?
where is the truth in my existence - when I have been cut off from
your tender fingertips - all that I've known falls down around me
every twisting tree and dead end street reminding me of you
taking me back
a year
my life crawls on without you - amongst the endless snowing sheets
disheartening moments of salvation come to me only when I am asleep
I no longer stomach the denial - hiding the weakness of my being.
the day to day has been a slow blur since you left
only (your) forgiveness sets me free
free
the bridges - collapsing - hillsides are growing fast
the pavement - is shifting - quicksand controls my will
I question life and its true meaning
I am defeated by this feebleness of will
frenzied thoughts arrest my mind
as I descend towards my eminent destruction
the only thing I can rely on - when I lie even to myself
skyscrapers - are crumbling - mountains are closing in my path
the streets lights - are twisting - pulling me to the earth
My veins are anchored in this city
I am defeated by this lack of conviction
am i already dead? I proceed hollow - unloved
I am our burnt out memory - self muutilation is my mainstay
tear me away - from the pictures of your face
pry my eyes from your written word
tear me away - from the bondage of regret
convince me that I am alive
this is the end - the end of everything
all I held dear - has slipped from my grasp
this is the end - the end of everything
all whom I've loved - are fucking memories
this is the end - the end of everything
as I am ripe - for this demise
this is the end - this is the end of everything
I kneel - godless and beaten
I long for moments when my eyes aren't blinded by emptiness.
6. Burning The Hive
I'll tell you in one sentence.
The truth should not have broken you.
You know I'd never turn away,
not in your darkest hour.
I won't reiterate the immense failure on your part.
To let it die this way displays the weakness of your bonds.
Numb I crawl, losing you. Over something so frivolous, so petty.
But this pettiness is all you know.
You wear a chip on your shoulder like a badge of fucking pride.
A broken heart? You broke your fucking own.
I remain. I never would have left your side.
And now my name will be another excuse for you to grovel in the ill will
called your life.
I'll miss the friendship that we once shared.
As you ignite all that which made us strong.
The fires of envy blaze undying as this devotion is destroyed.
I watch our dreams reduce to ash throat stifled by the fumes.
The stench of brittle feelings burning wets my tender eyes with tear.
Our memories are the funeral pyre and your words are gasoline.
Our friendship meets a blackened fate; an ashen epitaph.
These caustic embers yet remain soon to be blown away.
You will choke on my name. You'll choke on pictures of my face.
You will choke on my name. You'll choke on what you threw away.
I was a fool to ask so fucking little from you.
I should have recognized the frailty of your will.
I know that you can hear me. I hope that this is killing you.
I hope you sweat at night dreaming of my face.
"Do whatever makes you happy, no holds barred." shall remain etched into my mind.
When my eyes are finally graced with your crooked smile.
And my insides are licked by those familiar flames.
Flickering within my gut. Deep in my battered chest.
Burning a hole through my entrails. I won't fall.
I won't succumb to the pettiness which you breed.
I won't acknowledge the woe in which you live.
I won't forget the times we have spent.
I have pictures proving everything.
You will be fucking missed.
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